I am a mess

So I think it has all finally sunk in and now I am going through this terrible guilt and anger.

I keep thinking, what if they were wrong? What if my dates were out? Why didnt I question them? Why didnt we wait a week and rescan... why wasnt that suggested.

Nobody explained anything to us. We were just told the baby has died. The radiologist rang my doctor and we went home. The GP who confirmed the pregnancy rang and told me she had referred us to the early loss clinic. The early loss clinic rang and told me come in the next day. My GP rang and told me the clinic was really good and they will look after us.

They then asked us what we wanted, I was in shock it was 24 hours after the scan. No one went over what had happened, explained our options. I said I want this over. I was booked in for the D&C.

I still have no idea how the know the baby was dead, what if my dates were out and the heart hadnt started beating yet...

I have a follow up with my GP on monday, but I think I might try and see her earlier. I am just such a mess...

dont beat yourself up and dont for one minute let yourself think they were wrong.
even if your dates were wrong the scan would take accurate measurements and they would have gone by that. the heartbeat isnt the only thing they would have looked at.
definitely talk to your doctor tho and get them to run thru it all with you.

Big hugs Melnel, I hope your GP is able to put your mind at ease a little, and I think seeing her sooner is a good idea if you can.

I agree with what the others have said, don't doubt yourself for a moment. If anything, doctors tend to err on the side of caution so if they thought there was even the tiniest possibility that your baby might have been viable they would have waited to give things time to develop.

I don't know much about how the system here works these days, I was horrified that a friend had to wait days to have a d and c after her wee babe died. I lost our last angel in Sydney and Royal North Shore were brilliant, I was lucky in that I had the d and c as emergency surgery due to heavy bleeding so there was no waiting or mucking around.

I do think tho that there is a lack of support and acknowledgement after the fact, I very much felt like after I had the d and c I was supposed to go away and forget about it all. They gave me some pamphlets as I left hospital and that was it.

Two places I found great support were The Lost Ones, a brilliant NZ website for people who have experienced the loss of a baby, and also Nicola Miller-Clendon's book Life After Baby Loss which is available in th eOHbaby! online store as well as most good bookshops. I read it long after I had the gremlins as a review copy for OHbaby! and I wish, wish, wish I had read it when I first lost our angel, it is so practical, and made me feel like all the craziness I felt was normal.

Big hugs!
Emma

Big big hugs to you melnel Like the others here I don't think they would do anything without being 100% sure. You don't need to feel ANY guilt! It may be that they should have talked to you more and given you more information - hopefully you will get it from your doc. From my experience they are very very thorough and careful before taking any action like a D&C. So so sorry about your loss hun