Tantrums

Just wondered what everyone's opinions were on dealing with tantrums.

DD is only 17 months and her behaviour has changed quite dramatically. She seems to have good and bad weeks/days. The problem is I'm not sure if it's teething or her trying to get her own way. She will break down at the slightest of things and will lie on the floor screaming. If I ignore her she doesn't stop. Distraction doesn't work and if I try and get her interested in something else it just makes it worse. The only way I can stop them is by picking her up and comforting her.

I'm reading the Nigel latta book at the moment and he suggests ignoring it, but I wonder at what age that's appropriate for? After all, if it is teething I would rather comfort her and "help her through the tantrum" than just leaving her.

She's recently had an ear infection, so that makes it harder to know if she's still in pain. Meal times are becoming a nightmare, she'll sit down happily for 2 minutes then just throw a tanty for no apparent reason.

Any opinions and what has worked for you would be greatly appreciated.

I think it's way better to pick them up and comfort them, if they will tolerate it. I have always comforted my son when he's upset. He's 2.5 now and comforting him has not encouraged any bad behaviour - quite the opposite. He doesn't have full-blown tantrums now ... quite often he starts to cry and then he'll say "I'm alright" and get on with things. I don't believe they do it for attention - they are just expressing their feelings in the only way they know. They just don't have the maturity to regulate their emotions and they can't help getting so frustrated and upset. I think they need you to hold them and soothe them - then they eventually learn from your calmness how to calm themselves.

It's also good to recognise the causes, like you say - pain etc. Usually when my son has been through a rough time, we eventually realise there has been a good reason, like teething pain or a growth spurt or his brain has been going through a rapid development stage. Like after a week of being cranky, suddenly he can do something new like speaking in sentences. They are going through such massive adjustments at that age.