Fears and phobias - what’s ’normal’?

I know that a certain degree of fear/uncertainty in toddlers is normal, but how do you determine between what's 'normal' and what is excessive?

Both the gremlins are scared of Santa, but that doesn't worry me much coz Maya is 5 and still scared of Santa, Ronald McDonald and pretty much anyone dressed up in a funny costume.

But Sienna seems to have lots of fears and some of them seem completely irrational. Yesterday we were sitting in the lounge and she heard banging outside, it was probably the telecom guys that are recabling up the road. We couldn't see them from the house, or even from the letterbox, and it wasn't loud, but she lost the plot completely and the only way I could settle her was to take her into the kitchen and shut the door so she couldn't hear it.

On a shopping trip to Sylvia Park she refused to get out of the car coz we parked near some construction vehicles. We finally got her inside and the cleaner walked past with her cleaning trolley and Sienna started screaming and panicking.

She is terrified of 'the man'. Any man. The landlord, who has been coming over regularly since she was born. Courier guys, the guys that deliver the online groceries, the postman. The other day I was talking to our elderly neighbour over the fence and Sienna stood next to me screaming at the top of her lungs and shaking in fear, I think it was coz Molly was wearing a hooded jacket coz she doesn't usually react like that to her.

I took them to a Xmas show at the Logan Campbell Centre and she wouldn't even go into the theater. Of course Mercedes sees Sienna's reaction and feeds off her so if Sienna shows fear, Mercedes plays it up too. I know she's not genuinely afraid coz she isn't shaking or hysterical like Sienna gets.

She also doesn't seem to cope in situations where things are different to the way she expects they will be. For example, we do play therapy once a week with them and it's always in the same room. One week Willie met us there and joined in the session and we had it in a different room and even tho they brought in the same toys and it was the same psychologists they always see, Sienna sat on my knee and refused to partcipate or play. When I had to put her down to feed Chiara, she screamed and cried.

And they go to Jumping Beans every week and she usually loves it. My friend came to watch them one week and she refused to join in and sat on the sideline just coz Aunty Karen was there and that's not what she expected.

Normal? Does anyone else have a toddler that does this? It's really affecting my life coz I have to try and anticipate her reaction to situations in advance coz when I'm standing in the carpark at Sylvia Park with Chiara in the buggy and Mercedes holding my hand it's a bit tricky trying to coax her out of the car.

I've tried making her address the fear so she can see it's unfounded, for example I dragged her out to the letterbox to look for the source of the noise, but she is so hysterical she can't control herself. I've gotten frustrated and told her not to be silly. I've tried reassuring and comforting her by picking her up and cuddling her. Nothing seems to help.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just mulling over things. Their psychologist keeps telling me that it's normal, but I really don't think she is hearing me about how often and how major Sienna's fears seem to be.

it sounds like james if we go music and movment class and his cuzz isnt there james will refussed to play smae with speech thepy must always be in the same room wont even look at stargers and and tends to over react when hes scared big hugs hun i knoww how horrable it is and i still dont have answer for it

Alyssa is very much the same with loud and sudden noises..she gets hysterical and cries while running inside if she is out on the deck and someone suddenly starts up the lawnmower or a truck goes past. When the vacuum cleaner is on here she has to be sitting next to me on the couch and if DH vacuums too close to any of her toys she has to have it and will cry and carry on until she does.

Also she is similar with new situations or any change of routine. For example if DH dares to sit on "my" couch where I usually sit, she will get tearful and upset until he gets off. Same with "her" chair at the table. I can't even get in the bathtub with her as every time I have tried, she will cry because it's DH who usually is in there with her.
After I had Kayla and my mum started coming over to pick Alyssa up, it took lots of attempts before she would happily go with her. This is because the usual way of her going to nana's was for me to drop her off.......the list goes on. So yeah, I'd say it's pretty normal. I guess some kids like routine and familiarity more than others.

Both of mine do this to different degrees as well.
Ella has always had a strong sense of what is 'right' and will get very upset and tearful if things aren't the way she expects them to be. She also still gets frightened and upset with loud noises and crowds.
She's easier to reason with now that she is old enough to understand our reassurances and will try things more readily than she did when she was smaller, even though she might be feeling really frightened.
Benjy isn't quite as bad as Ella was, but he does get really frightened of loud, unusual noises and gets very scared of things that are out of the ordinary like the ocean and sand, miniature train rides.
He will cry and cling and refuse to be put down.
I think it is normal and hopefully she will become more reasonable as she gets older.
I do feel for you though Emma, it must be so difficult to manage when you've got the other kids to cope with too!
Could you try something like rescue remedy to help calm her?

Taine was quite similiar but has clamed down thank goodness. I think i may have posted something asking if you comfort them ? or tell them they are being silly. i ended up comforting and saying "nothing to be scared of"

Taine was scared of: bees - on tv or in real life, and flies - cause they looked like bees; the "boy"   - the boy hurt me mummy - no one is around - i am a bit scared he gets some kid at daycare in trouble about this; the rooster on Baby einstein farm, santa, scarface claw from Hairy McClarey....

yip Jack is scared of any loud noises and yelss "No noise" if he thinks i'm going to make a noise. He was hysterical at the Santa parade and won't even look at any new person. So I'd say its 'normal' and probably just the type of person shes going to be.

Gosh that sounds like a hard situation.

I don't know much about older bubbas but I've just been staying with a friend who has an almost 3yr old who fell of their patio into the garden because an ant was chasing her, and gets into a state about bugs on the trampoline etc. She also has Santa fears.

Sounds like a lot of Sienna's problems are noise related - she might have very sensitive hearing and the loud things are worse for her?