Depression during pregnancy, is it normal

Hi there,

This may end up being a bit of a novel but i have no where else i can talk about this without feeling like people are going to look at me like i am a horrible person.. im a long time lurker on here but never really post so chances are people dont know me lol

I found out two weeks ago that im pregnant with my third baby, i have a 2 and a half year old and a 9 month old. I was on the pill but had prolonged bleeding for a month and got told to stop and wait 1 cycle and start taking it again, i had no idea when i would ovulate and we were careful but not every time during sex. so guess what happened.

I have no doubt once this baby arrives i will be so inlove... but right now i just feel like a wreck. Im so sad and all i think about during the day is how im going to cope. after my second child was born i had a lot of help and support but we moved from the north to south island when he was 5 weeks old and my darling mum passed away on her way home from visiting us 3 weeks later. so i have been dealing with that as well as a new house, new life and two young children, i just do not know how im going to cope and feel myself getting more and more worked up about it each day.

I could never, ever abort a baby but sometimes i wish (this is the bad part) that i would lose it... wow it took me about 10 minuets to actually get that out. i love my children so much and feel like a sicko for even thinking that...

I just dont know if what im feeling is normal (which i doubt) and i was just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation or has some advice for me... If not i think this has helped slightly for me to write it down and get it out there.

so thanks for reading :)

With all that you've been through it's understandable that you may be having difficulty. I would recommend finding someone (e.g. Counsellor) to talk to. The good thing is that they listen without judgement, and it sounds like you could use someone to talk to in person. Good luck.

I think anyone with 2 very young kids, who has had their mum pass away and moved towns to where they have no support would be totally freaking at the idea of having another baby so soon.

Like AandCsmum- we planned #3 but often doubt how I will cope. There are many days when Im stressed out with my 2 kids and think that Im not doing a good job with them, how an earth can I think I can handle 3?

I think u need a village- cos u dont have family around u need to build your own one now. I have a good friend who has only lived here a year but from going to baby/preschool groups has made a circle of close friends- we are just in the process of making up a roster so we can help out with her other child when baby arrives in May. They have no family in NZ.

I was totally stressed when preg with #2 had I had had very very bad pnd with #1- I had to sit down and really think what practical things I could do to make things easier for myself- this included having DD in childcare 3 mornings- maybe thats something u could think of too.

Wow Anna - I think that your emotions are pretty normal given all the things your are describing - notice, I didn't say "good emotions" just that they are pretty normal/understandable reactions given your circumstances - Unplanned pregnancy, two young kids, grief after death, relocation. A LOT to get your head around. I think you can also predict some of the future...where you can see yourself loving a new little life, but know realistically that there are some hard parts in the meantime. Emotions do have a certain "hormonal intensity" to them at the start of pregnancy too.
Can you gather a support network around you if you can - give yourself space (can your wee ones go into care for a wee while so that you can rest/have space to think?), can you find a good "ear" (can be professional counsellor or a good friend) to help you process things/share your concerns? I don't think your emotions are "abnormal" as such - but they certainly sound unpleasant. Keeping tabs on them will be useful and finding ways to help you cope in this challenging time.
Look after YOU...and your family...allow yourself to process the full range of feelings, even the not so good ones - sounds like it's all part of the journey this time....but at the end of it, you'll hopefully get one of the most precious prizes of all that will hopefully lay to rest some of the hard emotions that you are having to deal with now.
Big ol' virtual hugs to you   

I had alot on my plate when I was pregnant and got depressed. Maternal mental health were awesome, just having someone neutral and non judgemental to talk to was great. You can access them via a doctor, but I just walked into their office one day and asked for help.