https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Sat, 04 Apr 2026 02:06:28 +0000 Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:34:37 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=40705 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397769&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397769 Author: lisa85
Subject: 40705
Posted: 12 October 2011 at 11:34am

Wow Hopes you and I had a very similar upbringing lol. I don't think I've EVER seen my parents fight but I've never seen them be affectionate either :(

It is all about balance. DH and I certainly never scream at each other. In front of the kids or not. But we do have our disagreements. As long as it's nothing really serious I have no problem with the kids over hearing. Debate is a part of life as is compromise and I think both are important to learn. DH and I also kiss and cuddle all the time so they certainly see more affection than arguments. ]]> Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:34:37 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397769&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397769 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397171&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397171 Author: Jaune
Subject: 40705
Posted: 10 October 2011 at 4:38pm

Very true Hopes...I like the way you think! ]]> Mon, 10 Oct 2011 16:38:53 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397171&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397171 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397170&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397170 Author: Hopes
Subject: 40705
Posted: 10 October 2011 at 4:34pm

I think so much depends on culture too - as in, your family's personal culture. Because while Mum and dad hardly ever argued in front of us, they're not a particularly openly affectionate couple either. I can honestly say I've never seen them kiss other than a peck on the cheek. And while you could argue that that would be a dreaful environment to grow up in, I'm pretty confident I've come out well-adjusted, and have a happy loving marriage. I will admit I'm not much into public displays of affection, but that's obviously a bit of a personal thing as my sister (with the same upbringing) is sickening with her DH .

So arguing might be a bit similar - if the marriage is happy and well-functioning underneath, it might not hurt kids to see some passionate spats, and conversely if a marriage isn't working, you probably won't hide it from the kids even if you dont' openly yell at each other in front of them. Just my random thoughts

Edited by Hopes]]> Mon, 10 Oct 2011 16:34:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397170&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397170 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397142&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397142 Author: SethsMama
Subject: 40705
Posted: 10 October 2011 at 3:25pm

I think that my upbringing is a good example of how hiding fighting can be damaging.
I NEVER saw my parents fight, except once, and that was the fight that ended their marriage.

In a few of my relationships growing up, as soon as we had a fight I would just get up and leave them. It took me a long time to get over the idea that happy couple couldn't fight at all.

DH and I aren't yellers but we certainly have 'conversations with tones'. I don't think we would hide that from DS growing up. It seems unhealthy to give a edited version of yourself to your children.
]]> Mon, 10 Oct 2011 15:25:58 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397142&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397142 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397116&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397116 Author: Jaune
Subject: 40705
Posted: 10 October 2011 at 2:38pm

Nice to hear others feedback and perspectives. Thanks!

DP and I argue occasionally, never violent, just raised voices and that sometimes happens in front of DS. He also sees us joking with each other, cuddling and happy too, so I guess it's about maintaining the right balance.

I guess coming from the background I do, I assumed that any fighting could potentially be damaging, but I agree that it's good for children to see how to disagree in a healthy, appropriate manner. ]]> Mon, 10 Oct 2011 14:38:59 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397116&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397116 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397044&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397044 Author: AzzaNZ
Subject: 40705
Posted: 10 October 2011 at 11:47am

We'll disagree (civilly) in front of the kids but we'll never have an out and out argument. We save that for when we are on our own.

My parents would get violent in front of us and it scarred us all. I'd never allow violence like that in my home.]]> Mon, 10 Oct 2011 11:47:10 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397044&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397044 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397035&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397035 Author: SMoody
Subject: 40705
Posted: 10 October 2011 at 11:33am

My parents fought a lot. Never got violent or anything but they didnt have a good marriage.

Me and hubby we can argue, shout, me throw a hissy fit, be quiet. (all that immature things you can do) but it happen so little anyway.

In saying that we can have small disagreements quite often.

Personally I think it is good for our kids to see. But if they see that they need to see someone or both apologize, making up and seeing them happy afterwards. That is life and that is what they need to be exposed to.

It is not natural to just see the arguments and it is also not right to see just happy people with no arguments.

And violence? Seriously not allowed. The most violent we get is a door might get slammed but no violence whatso ever directed at people. I dont care if you apologize afterwards nothing makes that right. ]]> Mon, 10 Oct 2011 11:33:35 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1397035&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1397035 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396936&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396936 Author: Delli
Subject: 40705
Posted: 09 October 2011 at 10:40pm

Hopes wrote: Just to buck the trend, I grew up without much arguing at all. Mum and Dad got on pretty well most of the time, and I think the odd argument that we did see was probably did us more good than harm - like you say, helped establish that people didn't always agree all the time and how to work things out in a grown-up way and all. I think I'd rather like to replicate that, if I can.

Ditto ]]> Sun, 09 Oct 2011 22:40:52 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396936&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396936 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396831&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396831 Author: Hopes
Subject: 40705
Posted: 09 October 2011 at 12:57pm

Just to buck the trend, I grew up without much arguing at all. Mum and Dad got on pretty well most of the time, and I think the odd argument that we did see was probably did us more good than harm - like you say, helped establish that people didn't always agree all the time and how to work things out in a grown-up way and all. I think I'd rather like to replicate that, if I can.

Edited by Hopes]]> Sun, 09 Oct 2011 12:57:20 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396831&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396831 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396827&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396827 Author: Lulu
Subject: 40705
Posted: 09 October 2011 at 12:32pm

I also grew up with alot of arguing in the household between my parents. The yelling/screaming/throwing things type of arguing in my mind is without a doubt harmful to children. I do however think it is o.k for children to view a disagreement where a discussion or debate is held. It would give them the chance to view the best way to settle differences, which of course naturally occur in life.]]> Sun, 09 Oct 2011 12:32:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396827&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396827 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396418&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396418 Author: MrsEmma
Subject: 40705
Posted: 07 October 2011 at 4:56pm

I also grew up with a lot of arguing from my parents, it was awful and I swore I would never, ever put my children through that.

Though like MamaT, I don't see a bit of debate as a bad thing. DH and I very rarely fight and if we do bicker it's about minor things and nothing that I feel we need to hide away from our kids. If I thought it was getting too much I'd certainly put it on hold until the kids are in bed which would probably help to minimise the arguement anyway. If you have to wait an hour to argue, chances are you've both calmed down and it wouldn't be so heated ]]> Fri, 07 Oct 2011 16:56:38 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396418&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396418 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396411&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396411 Author: EmDee
Subject: 40705
Posted: 07 October 2011 at 4:43pm

Growing up I also saw alot of fighting usually fuelled by alcohol and which, on occasion, turned violent.

DH & I don't argue much anyway, but I don't see anything wrong with kids seeing a disagreement/debate as long as, as MamaT says, it can be kept civil. I think it's healthy for kids to see that people don't always agree on things and that that's OK. It's also good if the kids can see how parents can compromise or reach some kind of resolution.]]> Fri, 07 Oct 2011 16:43:04 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396411&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396411 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396399&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396399 Author: MamaT
Subject: 40705
Posted: 07 October 2011 at 4:27pm

Growing up my Mum and Step Dad fought a lot and would often pull us kids into it to "take sides", it was awful and I swear never to bring my children in to any disagreement.

However, I do feel that a healthy disagreement or debate is good for children to experience, as long as it can be kept civil. The problem is, how do you know it will stay that way. I guess the only thing you can do of it does start to head in a downward manner, is to decide to continue it later, if both parties are able.]]> Fri, 07 Oct 2011 16:27:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396399&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396399 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396389&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396389 Author: Jaune
Subject: 40705
Posted: 07 October 2011 at 4:16pm

Just wondered what people thought and felt about this?

I come from a family where we saw our parents (mum and step dad) fight a lot and it was often quite scary as sometimes it became violent.
I don't think parents should fight or argue in front of their children AT ALL. I wondered whether I felt like this because of my upbringing and whether children seeing some level of disagreement is actually ok and somewhat necessary? I mean, people can't get along all the time, right? Or should even these smaller issues be saved and discussed when the children aren't around?

What's your experience and feeling on this?

Edited by Jaune]]> Fri, 07 Oct 2011 16:16:01 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40705&PID=1396389&title=fighting-arguing-in-front-of-children#1396389