OHbaby! Forums : Accidently on purpose pregnancies

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Agree with the others, sit your...

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 17:01:04 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 22�June�2011 at 5:01pm

Agree with the others, sit your man down and tell him how you feel about having another and if he REALLY doesn't want another then you guys need to sort out what you are going to do.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Yeah tricky situation Lou, one...

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 13:06:41 +0000

Author: Imogen
Subject: 39579
Posted: 22�June�2011 at 1:06pm

Yeah tricky situation Lou, one that I would be very careful with as it could all end very badly. I think sometimes guys just really dont think of the reality of the situation and maybe in your case DP maybe just hasn't thought properly about the possibility of it happening. I mean if you did fall pg then he could very well be happy with it but at the same time he might resent you for it and that would make your relationship really difficult.

I agree with Jelly I think that you really need to have a proper conversation with your DP and make sure he knows how you really feel and what is going on.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Chickielou wrote:Ok so how...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 23:47:32 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 21�June�2011 at 11:47pm

Chickielou wrote:

Ok so how does this scenario fall into it

I would like one more......DH is dead set NO....he knows Im not on the pill and we have condoms which rarely get used. He knows the risk and we have even had a scare, yet he doesnt hound me to go on the pill and even when I tell him we better use protection this time cos I think Im OVing it still doesnt happen and Im totally surprised its not happened yet.......but Im not calculated about it I am very open......and I really dont get how adamant he is about not having anymore, yet when I asked if he would expect me to have an abortion if we did get pregnant, he said that we would just have to cross that bridge if we got to it.....

I dont get it....how can someone so adamant about no more be so complacent about contraception? And am I in the wrong for not being on the pill cos hes said NO MORE?

I think the real issue is you want another & he doesn't...either he gives in or you do. He has the right to say he does not want any more. I guess it is up to you as a couple to come to an agreement.

Contraception should not be down to just you & if he feels so strongly about no more children then he should get a vasectomy.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Chickielou, it's totally...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 23:09:24 +0000

Author: Jelly
Subject: 39579
Posted: 21�June�2011 at 11:09pm

Chickielou, it's totally not my place to comment but it sounds to me like you need to sit your DH down and tell him exactly what you've just said, that you hear what he's saying but his actions are confusing you. He knows you want another and aren't doing anything to prevent it, so if he DOES want to prevent it then he needs to make this clear and maybe take some responsibility!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Lou as the saying goes if you...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 22:34:05 +0000

Author: NovemberMum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 21�June�2011 at 10:34pm

Lou as the saying goes if you play with fire you are gonna get burned.

and the difference your DH knows you are not on the pill..it would be different story if you told him you were on the pill but didnt actually take it.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Ok so how does this scenario fall...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 21:57:40 +0000

Author: LouD
Subject: 39579
Posted: 21�June�2011 at 9:57pm

Ok so how does this scenario fall into it

I would like one more......DH is dead set NO....he knows Im not on the pill and we have condoms which rarely get used. He knows the risk and we have even had a scare, yet he doesnt hound me to go on the pill and even when I tell him we better use protection this time cos I think Im OVing it still doesnt happen and Im totally surprised its not happened yet.......but Im not calculated about it I am very open......and I really dont get how adamant he is about not having anymore, yet when I asked if he would expect me to have an abortion if we did get pregnant, he said that we would just have to cross that bridge if we got to it.....

I dont get it....how can someone so adamant about no more be so complacent about contraception? And am I in the wrong for not being on the pill cos hes said NO MORE?

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : BeLoved wrote: And also while...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 08:15:36 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 21�June�2011 at 8:15am

BeLoved wrote:

And also while I possible ruffle feathers and start a debate I am going to ask how does anyone possibly think that adding another baby into a situation where one is not coping with parenthood and all that goes with it, is going to make things better, maybe I am just way off the mark but to me if I cannot give my 100% all to my existing children how the heck am I going to give anything to them when I am then UTD and then struggling with another child?

Yip I don't get why some have more when either they don't cope with one, or the relationship is not working or they can not afford the one/s they have.

The cost financially of having children only goes up, yes you can do the baby on the cheap but as they get older you can't & the more you have the more $ you need & spend...I know I have 3...so if you you can afford & can cope then have as many as you want but if you can't then stop.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : mummy_becks wrote:Haha Jazzy...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 07:51:42 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 21�June�2011 at 7:51am

mummy_becks wrote:

Haha Jazzy I should add that too I have fully vaxed my kids - I may have delayed them but I still did it.

ha ha such a dirty word & I don't get why as I am protecting my kids & others & trying to wipe out horrible diseases so should be proud of that

I guess my ticker should say..I started parenting before medals were popular

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : BeLoved wrote:And also while...

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 20:02:11 +0000

Author: my4beauties
Subject: 39579
Posted: 20�June�2011 at 8:02pm

Totally agree with this!!! And I've also heard that after one baby, the marriage/relationship hasn't been so good, so then they think having ANOTHER baby will help their marriage?!?!!!! Err, WRONG! How selfish to bring another child into a bad relationship! The child has no choice in the matter, and they have this responsibility on their shoulders from birth to make their parents happier. So rude. And what if the child isn't healthy and has medical problems? Then it'll put even more strain on the marriage/relationship.

I'd love to comment more on this, but haven't the time at the moment, and I haven't even read all the 7 pages of responses so must do that too!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I know of a few people that have...

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 19:25:24 +0000

Author: RicKer
Subject: 39579
Posted: 20�June�2011 at 7:25pm

I know of a few people that have done this.

One did it to four different guys but i interfered with her plans on guy #2 so she didn't fall pregnant (even it if wasn't my place). She now has 3 kids to 3 different dads & each dad has left her (2yrs between the two youngest and 3 between the two oldest because of the guy #2 fail) Needless to say she doesn't have the oldest two in her care anymore and only has visitation rights.

The other happened recently. A friend of mums who was due the same day as i was decided after having her DD that she wanted a 3rd (eldest is a troubled DS). Her DH said no and flat out refused and she kept trying to get pregnant behind his back. She got her BFP last Friday.

Makes me so angry!!

P.s. Love the siggy Mummy_becks

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Haha Jazzy I should add that too...

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 19:00:51 +0000

Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 39579
Posted: 20�June�2011 at 7:00pm

Haha Jazzy I should add that too I have fully vaxed my kids - I may have delayed them but I still did it.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Bowie wrote:Just saw your siggy...

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:29:33 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 20�June�2011 at 7:29am

Bowie wrote:

Just saw your siggy Mummy_becks, thats awesome

ha ha love it...mine would be the same but with disposables & we made it to the school yrs

eta..& fully vaccinated...

Edited by jazzy

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Just saw your siggy Mummy_becks,...

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:14:30 +0000

Author: Plushie
Subject: 39579
Posted: 20�June�2011 at 7:14am

Just saw your siggy Mummy_becks, thats awesome

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I always saw charting and taking...

Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:12:43 +0000

Author: mummy_becks
Subject: 39579
Posted: 19�June�2011 at 10:12pm

I always saw charting and taking temps as TTC not regular charting which is keeping track of cycles.

I know the woman is usually at fault but why do some of these men sleep with these woman without a condom on. Not talking about the couples in a relationship I am talking about those few that went out to sleep with a random guy just to get that baby they wanted.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Wow, the only case I know of that...

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 14:42:07 +0000

Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 39579
Posted: 17�June�2011 at 2:42pm

Wow, the only case I know of that could be this was someone being stupid, she thought she couldn't get pregnant, and did faught to keep the baby, and now has taken visitation away from his father who wants to be a father now that he has a son. Stupid hoe rag!

Oh actually two... The other was a young naieve girl who thought she couldn't get pregnant, was barely having sex with her boyfriend at the time anyway so on one of the 2occasions she did she fell pregnant... They tried to keep it together they failed!

DD wasn't exactly planned, but I think DP and I had kind of come to the conclusion that if it happens it happens at this point we had been together for 6years. I did say we need to go to the chemist to get the ECP (I couldn't drive at the time so needed him to take me), we were laughing about it with our bestfriends so they knew from the get go.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : LuckyRed wrote:Totally my place...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 16:45:40 +0000

Author: palomino
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 4:45pm

LuckyRed wrote:

Totally my place to judge if my friend says "My partner doesn't want a baby and he thinks I'm on the pill haha".

Agree

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Totally my place to judge if my...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 16:24:41 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 4:24pm

Totally my place to judge if my friend says "My partner doesn't want a baby and he thinks I'm on the pill haha".

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : nikkitheknitter wrote:Anyway,...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 16:08:30 +0000

Author: fattartsrock
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 4:08pm

nikkitheknitter wrote:

Anyway, my point is, unless we know the full story - not really our place to judge.

Totally get your point, Nikki however it seems that some people are quick to boast of thier deception, IRL and online (even in here)...which is where I *think* the op may be coming from...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : wow i was happy in my little nutshell...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 15:34:23 +0000

Author: newmama
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 3:34pm

wow i was happy in my little nutshell not knowing how often this happened and i knew deceiving like this goes on but far out i never knew how common it is and i am truly horrified !!! these women poking holes in condoms must be bloody nut bars

My son was a genuine oops but my DH and i had discussed having children and we both wanted them but just did not expect to conceive on our honeymoon - people have said to me oh you must have planned him because in these day and ages there is no such thing as an accident i take great pleasure in saying ahhh yes there is and my son is one of them, and then nicely tell them and he is not an accident thankyou he was planned but just not so soon

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I don't know anyone who has...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 15:08:01 +0000

Author: nikkitheknitter
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 3:08pm

I don't know anyone who has intentionally and deceptively fallen pregnant.

I know a lot of people who apparently know people who have intentionally done it and it seems, a lot of the time, that the accusation relies on not much knowledge of the inner workings of people's relationships and a whole bunch of assuming.

Not all the time, of course. But definitely some of the time.

For instance, my lovely boyfriend declares that someone he knows falls pregnant intentionally (now has 5 children) and makes jokes about it. Now, I don't know her personal situation, but as someone who makes inappropriate jokes to cover up for feeling insecure about something, I can't help but feel like that might be what she's doing... but the judgement from my boyfriend! Holy hell! (We have regular discussions about this where I do my feminist rant! ) And as someone who has had 2 unplanned pregnancies, I know how easily it happens!

Anyway, my point is, unless we know the full story - not really our place to judge.

Edited by nikkitheknitter

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Interesting thread. I know of...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:18:58 +0000

Author: amalyse
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 1:18pm

Interesting thread. I know of a few people who have been on contraceptives and got pregnant ...one was unwell on the pill, which she did not realize would make it ineffective.

I'm currently wanting another child (already?!) but I think i'm just going to leave it a bit longer. Want to not use contraceptive and see where we end up - but need to discuss with DH yet... chances of conceiving are very low as still BFing and "I'm my mothers daughter" e.g. she struggled to conceive as her body didn't let her until she stopped BFing...
Until then I think I will just stay away from the whole "situation" abstinence is the key

P.s. I don't know how guys could sleep with someone so untrustworthy? ? ? Obviously it just feels too good.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I'm so surprised reading...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:53:33 +0000

Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 11:53am

I'm so surprised reading this thread how far spread the deceiving is, it seems like we all know some one in life that did it.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : When I charted for contraception...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:46:11 +0000

Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 11:46am

When I charted for contraception it wasn't temp taking. It was just noting down everything else. Once we started to TTC then I tried the temping.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I am coming of Depo in about a...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 10:15:04 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 10:15am

I am coming of Depo in about a months time and the 'plan' is to use charting as contraception then to TTC #2 but looks like we may give TTC a go until the end of the year and then use it as a form of contraception. Pre baby I used to track my cycles but differently and it worked well until we had a genuine 'oopsy' moment!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : wiggly_jiggly wrote:true i...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 00:34:56 +0000

Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 39579
Posted: 16�June�2011 at 12:34am

wiggly_jiggly wrote:

true i suppose i just see charting as a ttc thing cos its such a lot of hard work, but you're right it can be contraception, but not if the person using it knows they mite be in a risky time and has unprotected sex anyway hehe thats more what i meant

Esp if they have unprotected sex more than once, one time can be believed as a real 'whoopsie/caught in the moment' thing, but to do it again while still NOT TTC... doesnt add up.

I've used charting to TTC, then to keep track of cycles while not TTC, then to TTC again. usually when charting you know the signs to look out for other than just temperature, so you know when it may not be a good time to go jumping in puddles without the raincoats!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : true i suppose i just see charting...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:14:26 +0000

Author: snugglebug
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 11:14pm

true i suppose i just see charting as a ttc thing cos its such a lot of hard work, but you're right it can be contraception, but not if the person using it knows they mite be in a risky time and has unprotected sex anyway hehe thats more what i meant

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : wiggly_jiggly wrote:, if you...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 22:46:51 +0000

Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:46pm

wiggly_jiggly wrote:

, if you dont want a baby then why even be charting or thinking about when you ovulate at all. Contraception is easy if you are committed to it working.

Charting is a form of contraception, it's basically Natural family planning, just written down in a fancy way. I was initially using it to know when to NOT have sex with my DH. Then I got bored with it so suffered the rain jackets.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Gosh! lol. What a read! Thomas...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 22:29:19 +0000

Author: MissAngel
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:29pm

Gosh! lol. What a read!

Thomas was a genuine whoopsie. I was on the pill, taking it properly at the same time every day, no anti-b's or anything (DH must have super wigglies) and I got UTD when we'd only been together 6 months!
I have a few friends who have gone out on the town looking for 'donors' because they dont want the man and a couple who have got UTD on purpose to try and save relationships. NEVER works. Lily was a bit of a whoops too, only we'd decided after saying yes to another bub, that we'd wait a bit. I was already preg hehe.
Some people are mental!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : LuckyRed wrote: freckle wrote: ...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 22:11:39 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:11pm

LuckyRed wrote:

freckle wrote:

High9 wrote:

Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either!

I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...

Plus there's always sexually transmitted diseases which is an even bigger risk. If you're not in a committed relationship use a condom, it's not rocket science!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : reading this all i can think is...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 22:11:29 +0000

Author: snugglebug
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:11pm

reading this all i can think is omg why would anyone think baby would save a relationship? Having a baby and the stress it brings has really put our relationship to the test nearly to breaking point in the early days, and he was a very much wanted very planned baby in a very stable loving marriage! I love my son more than anything in the whole world but my god if ever there was something that would break a relationship it would be a baby, i would say if your relationship is shaky dont have one!!! I agree, if you dont want a baby then why even be charting or thinking about when you ovulate at all. Contraception is easy if you are committed to it working. Im not even thinking of another baby as even if i wanted one, we can afford one baby but not two at the moment, and i dont want to have another if i cant give it all ive been able to give my ds. And after pnd reflux etc etc etc itll be a big decision when i do go there again. I believe the only accident babies are when the usually reliable contraception fails. If there was no contraception, it isnt an accident.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : LuckyRed wrote: freckle wrote: ...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 22:11:25 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:11pm

LuckyRed wrote:

freckle wrote:

High9 wrote:

Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either!

I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...

Plus there's always sexually transmitted diseases which is an even bigger risk. If you're not in a committed relationship use a condom, it's not rocket science!

Very true!

Also someone mentioned the whole having unprotected sex and not getting pregnant so infertile... I have to admit this was my DP and I - naively when we were about 16. But then a whoopsie and I got a bit more clued up about everything so we used protection and if we didn't have any I assumed 28 day cycle like clock work and average woman OVs around what day 14/15 - I forget now... So we did that successfully for ages but did have a 'slip up' but were a lot more prepared for it than we were at 16! Now have our beautiful daughter!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : freckle wrote: High9 wrote:Don't...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:58:30 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 9:58pm

freckle wrote:

High9 wrote:

Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either!

I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...

Plus there's always sexually transmitted diseases which is an even bigger risk. If you're not in a committed relationship use a condom, it's not rocket science!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : caliandjack wrote:Bowie -IMO...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:27:06 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 9:27pm

caliandjack wrote:

Bowie -IMO its worse to stay in a relationship that's not working for the sake of the kids than to split and move on.

Your son can still have a relationship with his Dad without you having to be with him. That's as much up to his Father as to your decisions.

In the end people do what they want with their own lives, however it comes as no surprise to me that NZ has such a high rate of child abuse when you look at the attitude of some of the parents.

I agree parents shouldnt stay together for their kids, but if both parties wanted the baby in the first place they are more likely to be good parents even if they arent in the relationship anymore.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : And I completely agree but things...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:17:15 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 9:17pm

And I completely agree but things happen to make it not realistic! But was the one thing my mum said to me!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : High9 wrote:Don't have...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:56:37 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:56pm

High9 wrote:

Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either!

I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Don't have sex = no baby...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:48:52 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:48pm

Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I think the idea Kalimirella was...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:45:19 +0000

Author: Delli
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:45pm

I think the idea Kalimirella was trying to get across (although, I could be wrong here - apologies Kalimirella if I am) was that women can opt out of pregnancy/children by having an abortion, so men should be able to have an opt out as well. Currently, the man has no say in whether a woman keeps or aborts his baby whether he wants it or not. E.g. man didn't want a baby, woman accidentally on purpose (stabbing holes in condoms etc) got pregnant, man has to be responsible and pay child support etc even though he didn't want the baby in the first place and would have chosen abortion if he could....

I don't agree with that idea though

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Kalimirella wrote:Slightly...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:43:08 +0000

Author: mothermercury
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:43pm

Kalimirella wrote:

Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place?

I can see this getting abused by guys who haven't been "tricked" into having a baby, and simply don't want to pay child support. These people already exist and to actually give them the satisfaction of getting their own way and relinquishing all responsibility... well, that just does not sit right with me at all. Why should the woman be held 100% responsible for raising and paying for the child? Yes, there are some nutty women who trick men into having babies, but I'd say most single mothers have not ended up that way by choice, and have NOT tricked anyone into procreating. There are lots of men who already shirk their parental duties, and they shouldn't get the option to do it legally just because they don't feel like it.

ETA: What I'm trying to say is that it would be exceptionally difficult to make sure only legitimately hard-done-by men signed these affidavits, and that we'd be opening up a very ugly can of worms if any old guy could go and sign away his rights.

Edited by MissShell

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : freckle wrote: Kalimirella...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:42:28 +0000

Author: fire_engine
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:42pm

freckle wrote:

so there is no responsibility on the man?? they can go around making babies everywhere and sign to say they don't want anything to do with them... Even with condoms there is a risk of pregnancy, so if men and woman are going to have casual sex they are taking a risk and need to be prepared to deal with the consequences... IMO of course

^^ what she said. There is ALWAYS the risk of PG when you have sex. Don't want the risk - don't have sex.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : _SMS_ wrote: But yes, how can...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:32:11 +0000

Author: SquishysMum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:32pm

_SMS_ wrote:

But yes, how can you have an 'accident' if you are charting

Funnily enough, it can happen... DD was a whoopsie baby using Natural Family Planning, I thought I knew my cycle inside out, but a freak early ovulation (had never had a cycle less than 32 days, DD was conceived on a 27 day cycle) put paid to our plans.

HOWEVER - we BOTH decided to go for NFP and go off the pill, and we BOTH knew that it (as any contraceptive) wasn't foolproof. So while she was earlier than we had envisaged, she was by no means an accident!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Kalimirella wrote:Slightly...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:32:06 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:32pm

I don't agree with this, there are plenty of guys opting out as it is. If a man doesn't want children with the woman he's having sex with then he should put a condom on and take some responsibility for ensuring there is protection.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Kalimirella wrote:Slightly...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:31:18 +0000

Author: freckle
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:31pm

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Slightly off topic but to do with...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:18:44 +0000

Author: Kalimirella
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:18pm

Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place?

I've got to say our first child was an unexpected surprise (in that we had talked about protection but not gotten around to getting it, then we did get protection but of course just a "little" too late) so we knew there was a chance but just (rather stupidly) didn't think it would happen to us. Just adding in, I did tell him straight away when I felt pregnant and also said that I knew it wasn't planned on either of our parts and that he could leave if he wanted but either way I was keeping our child.

Our 2nd is a planned child, in that we talked about it and while DP would've preferred to wait a bit longer after a few long discussions WE agreed to try for another so I could go off the pill and if it happened, it happened (IT happened rather fast!)

I don't get people who use getting pregnant to keep a guy, babies are really really hard work, it requires a LOT of communication and effort to keep a relationship going with the added demands of a newborn (and then toddler) in the mix.

This is all just my opinion of course!

And as for those Timaru mums you know Bowie, just WOW! and OMG! and what the hell are they thinking (or not thinking)!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : BeLoved - are you talking about...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:06:35 +0000

Author: pikelets
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:06pm

BeLoved - are you talking about my sister-in-law?? It sure sounds like her!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : haha,which ,reading the other...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:05:24 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:05pm

haha,which ,reading the other posts,is what CaliAndJack basically just said

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Bowie wrote:I wholeheartedly...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:03:25 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 8:03pm

Bowie wrote:

I wholeheartedly agree with that statement if you mean chicks who get knocked up on purpose from one night stands or tricking a partner - i don't think a single mom by choice via sperm donar is irresponsible or selfish but we all have our opinions of course.

I have to admit (for those who don't know it) i AM a single mother and i feel irresponsible and selfish often as i left his father before he was born for many good reasons but sometimes feel i should have sucked it up and done the 'right thing' to have a 'proper' family for DS. End of the day, my decisions have deprived my son and his dad from having the relationship they could have and i feel guilty about that every day.

I got pregnant and then Caitlyn's dad and I broke up when I was 7 weeks...he did try and say we should get married,but I didn't love him anymore and what was I going to do? marry some guy just to have the image of the family and have him and I ...and our baby of course absolutely miserable? no,that does nobody any favours.
I would much rather have parents seperate and happy,than miserable and together.
What im trying to say is don't feel guilty,if hes gonna be a dad,he will find ways to do that whether you are together or apart,and unless you have done what this thread is about,which is basically deliberately and knowingly used a guy for his sperm...you don't have anything to feel selfish about,families come in all shapes and sizes,and the world isn't so black and white that its always best if baby is raised by the 2 people that made them.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Bowie - IMO its worse to stay...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 18:45:39 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 6:45pm

Bowie - IMO its worse to stay in a relationship that's not working for the sake of the kids than to split and move on.

Your son can still have a relationship with his Dad without you having to be with him. That's as much up to his Father as to your decisions.

In the end people do what they want with their own lives, however it comes as no surprise to me that NZ has such a high rate of child abuse when you look at the attitude of some of the parents.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I was a solo mum and knew that...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 18:38:48 +0000

Author: dneyn
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 6:38pm

I was a solo mum and knew that I would be as soon as I found out I was UTD, it wasnt intentional and I didn't expect anything from the father. I thinki could have had a termination ( was only 17), but realized I loved my child and it wasn't his fault that I was stupid and pathetic. My second son is to another father and a man I was with for 6 years, again I got UTD unintentionally and he left me when he found out I was UTD and again I could have had a termination but I didn't. He came back when our son was born but eventually we broke up. In hindsight I think I knew that I could get pregnant at the time but I think I was stupid enough to think it would change my partner.
In the meantime, I was studying and completed my nursing degree while been a solo mum and supporting my children the best way I
could. By all means I would not wish this on anyone else and I have had a very tough ride, but fortunately I grew up, settled meet my amazing husband and now after 5.5years together have our son together as well as our blended family. I am extremely blessed with all my family and would not change my decisions for the world.

I agree though with what a lot of you have said, decieving you OH to the point that you poke holes in condoms is disgusting!

Edited by dneyn

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Bowie we all make decisions where...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 18:17:41 +0000

Author: TheBabe
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 6:17pm

Bowie we all make decisions where either knowingly or in hindsight we're aware it wasn't the wisest choice. I don't think its about 'sucking it up' OR providing a 'proper' family for our kids once the deed has been done (I left my ex-husband not long after DS1 was born so I'm not judging people because I *haven't* made those mistakes IYKWIM) but I DO think we should make more of a stand regarding getting preg in the first place. Why do we immediately have to jump into bed with a guy? How bout figuring out if hes the kinda guy you'd want a family with BEFORE you get in that situation?? And TBH alot of people leave relationships that could be saved simply coz they don't get their own way or they don't have the skills, or they're lazy. I'm just talking generally - if people showed a little more self-control and taste then guys wouldn't get screwed over by grubby-mitt hoes and girls wouldn't be getting knocked up then dumped... We're breeding an entire generation of children who think this kinda sh*t is ok! Children being raised by children (and I don't care how 'mature' a 14/15/16/17yo THINKS they are, having a baby is just plain stupid!) with no schooling, no skills and no hope for the future!! Hahahaha sooooo off-topic now...

ETA Just to clarify - I was thinking about people who set out to get preg 'just because' or people who take the risk while *knowing* the relationship wouldn't work out if you got UTD and I consider myself in that category :shrug: the difficult time I went through plays a large part in why I think this way but its a generalised opinion of society and, as opinions do, it adjusts itself case-by-case, i.e I take responsibility for being unwise staying in my situation as long as I did and allowing myself to get pregnant (though it wasn't planned!) but leaving was a good decision and made me a better parent while I think a friend of mine is an idiot for having a bandaid baby then leaving then going back to him and getting knocked up again. I certainly don't apply the generalised opinion to individuals and I certainly don't intend to upset anyone on here.

Edited by TheBabe

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I wholeheartedly agree with that...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 18:02:31 +0000

Author: Plushie
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 6:02pm

I wholeheartedly agree with that statement if you mean chicks who get knocked up on purpose from one night stands or tricking a partner - i don't think a single mom by choice via sperm donar is irresponsible or selfish but we all have our opinions of course.

I have to admit (for those who don't know it) i AM a single mother and i feel irresponsible and selfish often as i left his father before he was born for many good reasons but sometimes feel i should have sucked it up and done the 'right thing' to have a 'proper' family for DS. End of the day, my decisions have deprived my son and his dad from having the relationship they could have and i feel guilty about that every day.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : kebakat wrote:Depends what...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 17:58:06 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 5:58pm

kebakat wrote:

Depends what Joscia means.. I have no issue with women getting pregnant to an sperm donor with a fertilty clinic for example. That's got no deception etc in it

I have no problems with that either. I think they should support themselves & not be reliant on the government to provide for the child.

I have issues with the ones who just use a guy to have a baby & too hell with the consequences.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : TheBabe wrote: Intentionally...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 17:46:25 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 5:46pm

TheBabe wrote:

Intentionally becoming a single parent is irresponsible, selfish and shows no thought for the child you conceive and tricking your DH/DP/BF into having a baby is deceitful, irresponsible and selfish.

i wholeheartedly agree with that statement.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I got UTD accidentally to someone...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 16:58:11 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 4:58pm

I got UTD accidentally to someone whom I never told about the baby, I terminated the pregnancy - he'll never know. Don't see why he should. I can bet there are a lot of women who have been in exactly the same situation as me.

ETA - I wasn't wanting to get UTD we didn't use contraceptive either, was incredibly stupid and dumb thing to do.

Edited by caliandjack

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : People think society has advanced...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 16:51:38 +0000

Author: TheBabe
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 4:51pm

People think society has advanced with all the 'human rights' and 'do what you like' freedoms there are now but IMO we've regressed terribly!

Intentionally becoming a single parent is irresponsible, selfish and shows no thought for the child you conceive and tricking your DH/DP/BF into having a baby is deceitful, irresponsible and selfish.

Women complain that there aren't any good guys around anymore but has anyone stopped to think that we're not setting the bar very high for them? Women have become slutty, cheap, disposable, basically just a commodity. We'll put up with anything just to 'be loved' and we'll do anything that gets us our own way (like getting knocked up against the wishes of our OHs!) Obviously this is a generalisation but its definitely a situation thats more and more common. Its resulting in more and more father-less kids, blended families and unskilled, unhappy mothers. IMO the new breed of female is killing off the good guys who want a family to cherish and protect (coz seriously what guy is going to trust a woman and want the commitment of family after either watching his mother play little miss slutty-pants with any guy she took a fancy too regardless of consequences, or had a run-in with a conniving bitch who used him and threw him away?!) and its biting us in the arse. Its about we raised the standard and started treating ourselves AND our menfolk with the respect and honour required for healthy, strong, loving relationships and families. Possibly slightly off-topic but its what I thought after reading the posts on here...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Man i know of too many of these...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 15:23:07 +0000

Author: AbzandH
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 3:23pm

Man i know of too many of these cases!!!
Another one, "oh i love my bf so much, so glad we have this beautiful girl together, oh look it's not working and we broke up, and now he wants a paternity test, oh s*it now he knows i cheated on him... and I can't remember who with, shame my girl and I will never know who her dad is, certainly not the guy who spent a year trying to be her dad, and his parents who looked after her every weekend, built a wee cotage for us to live in, and paid for everything".... TRUE STORY!!!! And now the kid is with the grandparents (her parents) funny that!!

Meh I have a cousin who stole her man off another girl, (made a pact with her that they would both leave him when they found out about each other) but no, just a cover up! Then we he decides to move with his parents, wow shes pregnant!! Then when he decides they all need to move to be with them, wow pregnant again! Only this time he puts his foot down, they move, she comes back for a holiday, meets another guy, and stays......

Tragic at best!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I was thinking more in terms of...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:59:45 +0000

Author: Joscia
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 2:59pm

I was thinking more in terms of using a sperm donor to intentionally get pregnant and 'fulfil the desire to have a baby' - as the implication I took from Bizzy's post, rather than a random, unprotected root with a stranger hoping / intending to get knocked up... Which, I think we would all agree was more than a bit selfish / irresponsible / nutty etc...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Im just wondering if moving to...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:52:33 +0000

Author: Caronz
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 2:52pm

Im just wondering if moving to Timaru will solve our fertility issue??

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Depends what Joscia means.. I...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:43:08 +0000

Author: kebakat
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 2:43pm

Depends what Joscia means.. I have no issue with women getting pregnant to an sperm donor with a fertilty clinic for example. That's got no deception etc in it

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Joscia wrote:Well, that's...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:32:02 +0000

Author: jazzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 2:32pm

Joscia wrote:

Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved...

well I think it is just as bad...or maybe worse. The man is going to have a child he does not know about or planned on having or he is going to be stuck with child support for yrs, & for something a women decided on before he met her...

At the end of the day you are either tricking your partner into have a baby or a stranger.

If you are in a relationship where you want kids & he doesn't then get out, find someone who does.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Joscia wrote:Well, that's...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:30:39 +0000

Author: Plushie
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 2:30pm

Joscia wrote:

Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved...

I have to respectfully disagree - what about the child who will at some point to be old enough to ask about its father? What about hereditry diseases? What about STI's that could be transmitted during the birth? What about family history of heart disease, strokes, cancer?* What happens to that man in 20 years when the child tracks him down, or he gets chased up by IRD for child support payments to a woman who he doesnt remember? And to be honest i think sleeping with a guy purposely to get pregnant without his knowledge or consent is the definiton of underhanded, manipulalitve deception!

Unless of course you crossposted and your comment wasnt supposed to be right under Bizzys!

*Though i get this point is kind of half half as i guess a lot of adopted children don't have a full medical history for their biological parents.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Joscia wrote:Well, that's...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:28:51 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 2:28pm

Joscia wrote:

Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved...

so sleeping with someone with the intent to get pregnant and not tell them is deceptive or only if the person you are sleeping with is your partner/husband?

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : So agree with the breeding licence...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:47:31 +0000

Author: Isabella
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 1:47pm

So agree with the breeding licence - interesting the reversible sterilisation the govt is talking about..

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Firstly we are a couple that have...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:25:37 +0000

Author: _H_
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 1:25pm

Firstly we are a couple that have fertility issues so these types of people really annoy me!

My friend slept with a 16 year old (he was 20 at the time) and didnt use a condom as she said she was told by a doctor she couldnt pregnant, they now have a son together! His fault for being so dumb but she isnt even 20 yet and she has two kids with different dads. My friend has moved to be closer to his son and wants to be in his life but she makes it really for him

My cousin is another one, had a accident baby at 16 and before baby was born they broke up. They then went on to have 2 more before they were 19 and they wont even together!!! He honestly though she was on the pill and she just wanted double the DPB (stupid girl!) dont know why they had the 3rd one

There needs to be a breeding licence, I dont know how it would work, but until BOTH parents show that they would be fit parents they cant have kids

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Wow this thread is certainly interesting!!...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:22:36 +0000

Author: Isabella
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 1:22pm

Wow this thread is certainly interesting!! I am so glad to hear that it is the overwhelming majority of people who find this concept disgusting..

I know that one of my old friends (she would have been about 16/17) tried to get UTD to my now DH to 'keep him'... Thankfully for him and the potential child (and me!) this never eventuated! But we talk about it every now and again how she used to brag to people about trying to trick him into it (stuff like the holes in condoms, saying she was on the pill when she wasnt etc). We sit there thinking - wow the kid would be 12 now..

It used to wind me up SO MUCH walking through town etc seeing poor bubbas/toddlers filthy, old raggy clothes, grumpy absent mums sucking on the end of a cancer stick right next to their faces, our neighbours with their two small (DPB collecting) toddlers having screaming matches every weekend, and parties with loud music most nights.. I would sit there thinking - the only reason I have not TCC yet is because I am studying for a career - to provide the best I can for our baby, I wanted to be married beforehand, own a house beforehand... But these bas*a*ds just keep having oopsies - the poor kids have no choice in the matter! I often wonder who decides - why was our wee pumpkin lucky enough to be born into a family who love her and give all they can, and these other poor kids are dumped on these lost causes...

But I am rather a pessimistic person thou I guess

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Well, that's fine - so long...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:19:07 +0000

Author: Joscia
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 1:19pm

Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : what about women who choose to...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:01:52 +0000

Author: Bizzy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 1:01pm

what about women who choose to get pregnant to a stranger just to fulfil their desire to have a baby?

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : My friend was desperate to have...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:24:34 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 12:24pm

My friend was desperate to have a baby,she told her fiance when they got engaged that she wanted to start trying 6 months after their wedding....6months after,he wasn't ready,they both weren't financially either...so as much as she wanted one,she waited 2 years and now,they have a beautiful daughter who they were both ready for,and shes so glad she waited till her husband was ready.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Sad isn't it.....and it shows...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:19:56 +0000

Author: ooEvaoo
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 12:19pm

Sad isn't it.....and it shows that the person obviously has no hope for reconciliation based on solely working on the relationship. Doesn't say much for the partnership at all. Yes there have been times when DF has said no more kids for X number of years, and I've been devastated but alas the time has arrived..and now it's me slowing the brakes on things lol...only cos I want to work on preparing a healthy vessel lol. There are two people in a relationship and to deceive one in regards to such a huge matter is disgusting. It's a problem across the board from younger to older. Age doesn't make a good mum.......or partner.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : BecBarrer wrote:@Bowie Christ,...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:01:26 +0000

Author: Plushie
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 12:01pm

BecBarrer wrote:

@Bowie Christ, I really hope for the sake of our nation and our world that 'Timaru Girls' aren't all over the place.
Remember at school when half of the girls would fake pregnant and when they realized they had to have a baby at the end of the charade, they'd all have mysterious overnight miscarriages?

TRUE THAT, which is so so so f**ked up i can't even comprehend it. But it happens SO FREAKING OFTEN. What is wrong with Timaru!? (I only moved here aged 17 so i got the tail end of it all). It seems like everyone gets drunk, has a one night stand, then says its rape, then say they're pregnant, then say they miscarried all the while some poor 16 year old boy is crapping his dacks at the concept while they sit around in with their friends having a jolly good laugh and rubbing their non existant stomachs, some going as far as buying little outfits.

Seriously this actually makes me so rageful i cant even speak. I can't even comprehend.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I agree very much so with BeLoved...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 11:54:46 +0000

Author: Nadia
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 11:54am

I agree very much so with BeLoved and would never bring a baby into a relationship that both me and DH didn't want. As it was this one was a fantastic suprise as I had a miscarige with our first try and we waited 5months and was going to wait another 3 or so but found out that we were to have our little boy whos due on the 30th. We both wanted a baby so thats fine but I would never lie to get a baby its so wrong.

BUT in saying that I have knowen a couple of women that would just about do anything to have a baby and even though I say to DH how wrong it is I can see why they want it so bad. To have a baby is a amazing thing to cradle that newborn in your arms (I cant wait for my turn) and all these women seem to think about is having that baby and they seem to lose all sence of the real world of having a baby and there dream world. Sometimes it makes me seem sorry for then not to be able to have one as there single or there DP don't want one and this is when the "Accidents" come in.

Also to the comments about age and how its all the young girls doing this I disagree. I am 18yrs old and have been married for 2 and a half years. I am mature for my age I know but that dose not mean that all these teen mums and I know theres alot of them! are ones that get knocked up both the women I mentioned before where in there late 20's or early 30's and I have found that they are more likley to be the ones to lie about being preggy than a teen getting preggy and lieing about it. Thats just my say anyway.

Edited by Nadia

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Im going to spend all our money,...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 11:32:26 +0000

Author: LadyBee
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 11:32am

Im going to spend all our money, go on the dol, have a fight with DH tell him were not trying for a baby, go on the pill, buy condoms, poke holes in them, "forget to take the pill", shag DH on the right time of the month by "accident" of course, ....then I might actually fall pregnant!!
Its the recipe to get UTD isnt it?

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : @Bowie Christ, I really hope for...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 11:04:49 +0000

Author: ....
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 11:04am

@Bowie Christ, I really hope for the sake of our nation and our world that 'Timaru Girls' aren't all over the place.
Remember at school when half of the girls would fake pregnant and when they realized they had to have a baby at the end of the charade, they'd all have mysterious overnight miscarriages?

@jules1980 Ha, I love Farrah's ugly crying face.

I've also discovered a lot of young girls assume they are infertile because they've had sex unprotected once and not become pregnant.

My wee fella came along because my OB told me I would be unable to conceive after emergency surgery on a cyst left me with only one ovary, but here I am, anxiously awaiting my unplanned, but not unwanted little boy.

In the parenting class I took during my second trimester, I was the oldest (21) of the 5 of us who were pregnant, the youngest 15.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Sorry should not have generalised....

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 10:40:19 +0000

Author: UpsyDaisy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:40am

Sorry should not have generalised. Definately not all young mums are accidentally on purpose and am sure older women who should know better do this too.

Just that the town where I live has alot of young mums - have read its higher than the national average - maybe for some if you don't go away to uni to study another option is stay here and have a baby by fair means or not?

Off topic I know but a guilty pleasure of mine is watching 16 and pregnant - how come Farrah and some of the other mums have time to do a full on face of make-up? I guess those shows just normalise it.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : jules1980 wrote: Hmm Bowie...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 10:24:50 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 10:24am

jules1980 wrote:

Hmm Bowie maybe explains all the real young mums I see about.... they need a reality check can't believe how selfish they are and what sort of loser deliberately chases a benefit...thats they way to the sweet life not. So angry for those children.

Definitely eye opening thread, so sad to think that some treat becoming a parent so lightly and that they deliberately ignore their SO wishes.

Having a baby is no way to keep a man and why would you even want to be with someone if you thought that was all that was keeping you together?

Not all young mums.

But I think a lot of it has to do with TV shows for some young mums... Ie Teen Mom/16 and Pregnant. I do know of 2 girls from my old school who have apparently followed suit...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : M2K wrote:I don't get...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 09:53:10 +0000

Author: IVFGirl1111
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 9:53am

M2K wrote:

I don't get it either, but there are so many women who manipulate men, but as Jeremy Kyle says they "should've put something on the end of it" innit, but it seems to happen ALOT.

That won't help though when the girls put holes in it LOL.

What annoys me SO much, is seeing people do it, then the guy be like WTF how did this happen, then they become all happy - he would be crushed if he knew! I think it's about time people started telling people what actually happened.

They clearly don't love their other halves, just want a baby. Sad sad sad.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Hmm Bowie maybe explains all...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 09:35:34 +0000

Author: UpsyDaisy
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 9:35am

Hmm Bowie maybe explains all the real young mums I see about.... they need a reality check can't believe how selfish they are and what sort of loser deliberately chases a benefit...thats they way to the sweet life not. So angry for those children.

Definitely eye opening thread, so sad to think that some treat becoming a parent so lightly and that they deliberately ignore their SO wishes.

Having a baby is no way to keep a man and why would you even want to be with someone if you thought that was all that was keeping you together?

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I was a single mum at 20 with...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 09:05:58 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 9:05am

I was a single mum at 20 with my eldest and although I told her father he could be as involved as he wanted or didn't want...its certainly not a life I would have chosen,she was a "just because you are 19 and partying etc a lot you really DO need to take the pill everyday and not just have a "bet I wont get pregnant anyway,she'll be right,attitude" baby.
Was not deliberate and for my laziness I ended up a single mum,don't regret HER one bit,but it definitely wasn't easy...these women are living in la la land if they think that getting pregnant deliberately when the father doesn't want to is the way to go...what does that say about them,not much really .Well some...bad things though

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Raspberryjam wrote: I wouldnt...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 07:28:31 +0000

Author: _SMS_
Subject: 39579
Posted: 15�June�2011 at 7:28am

Raspberryjam wrote:

I wouldnt ever choose to have a child on my own, or risk the relationship I have to have another child, and then end up being on my own.
I know there are situations in which being a solo parent happens, but Im sure most woman would prefer to have a good man to share the job with

That is true, im sure half the woman who do this dont care if they do end up single because they know how good our benefit system is and they will be fine

But yes, how can you have an 'accident' if you are charting

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : what a bloody eye opener this...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 23:05:15 +0000

Author: Raspberryjam
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 11:05pm

what a bloody eye opener this thread has turned out to be! Im quite gobsmacked!

I wouldnt ever choose to have a child on my own, or risk the relationship I have to have another child, and then end up being on my own.
I know there are situations in which being a solo parent happens, but Im sure most woman would prefer to have a good man to share the job with

I seem to get pregnant pretty easily (touchwood) but Im really P***ed for the woman out there who cant when mongrels like this treat a childs life as a pawn and take on parenting so darn lightly!! grrrr

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I can pretty much guarantee that...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 22:50:07 +0000

Author: NovemberMum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 10:50pm

I can pretty much guarantee that if I was to poke holes in condoms and I got pregnant that I would end up a single mother.

as much I would like another baby (although not for a couple more years) I have to respect my husband when he says no more.

but yeah I do think it is selfish to get pregnant when the guy has said that he doesnt want children/more children.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : kiwilaurie wrote:Agreed. People...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 22:17:45 +0000

Author: Lexidore
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 10:17pm

kiwilaurie wrote:

Agreed. People should at very least just be upfront about it if they wanna be all underhanded and sneaky. All those "whoopsie, how did that happen" don't fool anyone. And why exactly do you care about fooling a bunch of people you've never met, when in reality you're just fooling yourself?

I guess what they say is true - tell a lie over and over and eventually you believe it yourself.

I think they do it to try and make themselves feel less guilty about the whole thing, if people are happy for them and praising them, they don't feel so bad about the horrible thing they have done.

Apparently my Mum did it to my dad with my youngest sister... thought it would help their marriage, they split 10 years later but should've been sooner

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Our dd is a 'How did that...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 22:16:02 +0000

Author: blossombaby
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 10:16pm

Our dd is a 'How did that happen' we were pretty darn careful. We had talked about having babies but they were much futher down the list. DD has impacted our life hugely but i would say our relationship has come out better off .. not that we had a up and down one before this but i'm so thankful it made us before breaking us!!! soo i do think whoopies do happen for a reason and arent a bad thing

BUUUUUUUUUUUT there is noway i would do it on purpose and not inform dp .. come on most of us girls know when we are ov WITH OR WITHOUT af (still havent gone mine back tho just finished bf so shell be round to visit any day ) I do notice my body 'changing' in what would be ov just dont get aunt flow 2 weeks later

I think alot of husbands/ partners etc whould be truely upset if they saw what is said sometime son these boards!!!! alot of people give out WAY to much personal information. Cant believe some people post they are utd of here before tell the daddy!!!!!!!!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I don't get it either, but...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 22:15:25 +0000

Author: M2K
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 10:15pm

I don't get it either, but there are so many women who manipulate men, but as Jeremy Kyle says they "should've put something on the end of it" innit, but it seems to happen ALOT. Having sex won't make him love you, having a baby won't make him stay.

I've met a few (definately not friends of mine) who have kids to different men, collecting money from each man... playing stupid childish mindgames

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Agreed. People should at very...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:59:01 +0000

Author: KiwiL
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:59pm

Agreed. People should at very least just be upfront about it if they wanna be all underhanded and sneaky. All those "whoopsie, how did that happen" don't fool anyone. And why exactly do you care about fooling a bunch of people you've never met, when in reality you're just fooling yourself?

I guess what they say is true - tell a lie over and over and eventually you believe it yourself.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I find it disgusting that anyone...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:43:03 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:43pm

I find it disgusting that anyone can have such an immature, uncaring attitude as if it's all a big laugh. We're not at high school, we are adults people! I know too many people, myself included who are struggling with fertility issues and miscarriages. Having a baby is a blessing and never something to be taken lightly.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Doing ovulation tests and charting,...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:36:13 +0000

Author: IVFGirl1111
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:36pm

Doing ovulation tests and charting, then managing to have an oppsie right on ovulation then getting BFP all while the other half doesn't have a clue what's going on - yeah a real oopsie - yeah right!

But you know what peeves me off more than anything is girls on here doing this - their other halves having NO idea, yet we all know here what's going on and what they have done. That to me sux arse and I don't know how those woman can live with themselves.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I forgot we could like posts!

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:32:44 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:32pm

I forgot we could like posts!

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : And well said LuckyRed! If more...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:29:08 +0000

Author: KiwiL
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:29pm

And well said LuckyRed! If more people called others on their behaviour, maybe we'd see less children born into unfortunate situations.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Well said Laurie and fattarts!...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:26:26 +0000

Author: High9
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:26pm

Well said Laurie and fattarts! Well said!

Actually #2 and #3 for MIL were accidentally on purpose but Shh. FIL didn't want kids at all. And DP was a woopsie.

C&J I agree, babies are a good way to ruin a relationship because it is a big shock for most couples and not what they expected. For me I knew what I was getting myself into but DP who wanted to keep the baby (even though abortion wasn't an option at all for us) he hadn't thought about it in the beginning with a NB. That was a shock for him and all the hormones after birth etc... The number of times we discussed separating as a result... We did make it work though.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I dont get why people encourage...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:16:02 +0000

Author: GuestGuest
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:16pm

I dont get why people encourage the nutbars on here who represent this type of situation??!?? It's a lot more than just attention seeking, it's completely irresponsible.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : You go Bowie,let your inner b*tch...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:07:57 +0000

Author: TheKelly
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:07pm

You go Bowie,let your inner b*tch out...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Ooooh i can't tell you how...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:01:48 +0000

Author: Plushie
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 9:01pm

Ooooh i can't tell you how many times i've had the if you think you're pregnant, POAS - can't afford it? Your doc does them free. You're under 24, its free. Too ashamed? I'll come with you. Still too ashamed? We can go to family planning. Can't drive? I'll drive you. Just POAS already. And for the record if you can't afford a PS then you can't afford a baby. And if you're too ashamed to pee on a stick in a doctors bathroom you better home you're not pregnant because people will be seeing your vajayjay.

This is actually my biggest annoyance ever, i feel so much better for bitching about it

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I got UTD accidentally twice,...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:51:32 +0000

Author: dneyn
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 8:51pm

I got UTD accidentally twice, admittedly I should have known better the second time. I certainly didn't go around telling the world I might be or might not be pregnant. Didn't know when I ovulated, I was pretty young thou. And yip, my sons dad left me when I was pregnant, we had a rocky relationship and having two kids made it worse. We eventually broke up after 6 years of turbulence.

It appears my BIL s in the same boat, they have a 10months old and she is 17weeks pregnant. He was just about to go into the police force but she accdently got pregnant so he isnt going in the police force now. Will he be resentful?

I agree with you guys though, some people just want attention.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : A baby is a good way to ruin a...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:50:00 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 8:50pm

A baby is a good way to ruin a relationship, babies are hard work, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially.

Ours is a strong relationship the arrival of a newborn certainly tested us.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Cause some people are naive enough...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:36:27 +0000

Author: AandCsmum
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 8:36pm

Cause some people are naive enough to think that he'll love the baby so he'll stay & therefore love me...Men don't work that way...

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I know of someone who got"accidently"...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:09:16 +0000

Author: naysgirl
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 8:09pm

I know of someone who got"accidently" pregnant. Well thats my thoughts anyway. She said she forgot to take the pill and then forgot to get the morning after pill and never mentioned to her boyfriend that she hadn't taken anything. Lo and behold, she's pregnant.
And their relationship was never fantastic in the first place and having a baby is no way to keep a man. She is quite young and a bit immature. I can never understand why you would knowingly get pregnant when you know your relationship isn't strong and you haven't been together that long (less than a year in this case).

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : I believe my step son was an accident...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 19:46:03 +0000

Author: Littlechop
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 7:46pm

I believe my step son was an accident on purpose. A band aid baby for a seriously broken relationship .

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Crikey Bowie - that sounds like...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 19:44:46 +0000

Author: caliandjack
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 7:44pm

Crikey Bowie - that sounds like a Jeremy Kyle episode.

Snap Raspberry Jam - that's exactly what happened to a friends brother, his gf didn't tell him she'd gone off the pill got pregnant told everyone she was keeping it regardless of what he said, went and had another one and then kicked him out of his house! Nobody was surprised at the result or how she behaved. Some poor buggers get used.

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Jesus bowie - Id be finding a...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 19:23:42 +0000

Author: Raspberryjam
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 7:23pm

Jesus bowie - Id be finding a new coffee group!

And to OP - yip thats naff My DH's first wife did that - so he married her and bought them a house and then she ran off with someone else

Accidently on purpose pregnancies : Yes, I think a few people have...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 19:16:34 +0000

Author: Hopes
Subject: 39579
Posted: 14�June�2011 at 7:16pm

Yes, I think a few people have hit the nail on the head when they say attention seeking has a lot to do with 'oopsies' that people really aren't ready for.

As for flat-out deceit of your partner to get pregnant, it just makes me hurl. What kind of marriage have you got, if you'd do that?!?!