OHbaby! Forums : What would you do? https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ Copyright (c) 2006-2013 Web Wiz Forums - All Rights Reserved. Thu, 09 Apr 2026 18:12:11 +0000 Thu, 14 Oct 2010 16:10:43 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 12.05 360 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=36227 <![CDATA[OHbaby! Forums]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_images/web_wiz_forums.png https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/ <![CDATA[What would you do? : we had a good chat and think we...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177398&title=what-would-you-do#1177398 Author: Charlie09
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 4:10pm

we had a good chat and think we might work things out. after he left here he went to his parents and they told him if he lets me go its going to be the biggest mistake of his life

he knows that it doesnt mean that we are back together but i honestly think that he is depressed and he doesnt know how to deal with it. we are both going to get some help and see where things go. I know i need to get some independence back but i have never found that easy

i know that we both want to make things work for our family but it isnt going to be easy]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 16:10:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177398&title=what-would-you-do#1177398 <![CDATA[What would you do? : having been in a similar situation...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177366&title=what-would-you-do#1177366 Author: amme_eilyk
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 3:46pm

having been in a similar situation with my dh before we got married. it is one of those things that you will not know how you will act until you get forced to make the decision. it has to be what is right for you now and it can be different to how you thought you would react in that situation and that is ok.

in my case i found r18 emails that dh had sent to someone that he had met online. I thought about it really carefully and I decided to stay with him after talking it through with him. It wasnt easy, and it has taken him a long time to earn the trust back, it still isnt completely back but our relationship is much stronger after dealing with it together. I set out my rules that I needed to cope and to be able to move forward in our relationship. Things such as having his email passwords, him leaving the online site where he met her etc. with dh it was more about the attention and he had no emotional or physical relationship with her. If he had I am not sure we could have moved on. Also a big part of moving on was making sure that we worked through why it happened and how to stop/manage it from happening again.

sorry it turned into a novel about me.

you just need to talk about it with your dp, see what he has to say on his side of things, and you say your side and decide what you want to do from there. just remember that it is your decision to make, not your friends or anyone elses.]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 15:46:24 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177366&title=what-would-you-do#1177366 <![CDATA[What would you do? : it sounds suss to me, did you...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177333&title=what-would-you-do#1177333 Author: Jas2010
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 3:23pm

it sounds suss to me, did you discover the texts or did he tell you about it?

if he genuinely wanted to catch up with an ex it wouldn't be a secret and you would be involved. If you discovered these texts then i think it sounds sinister.

Good luck

]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 15:23:51 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177333&title=what-would-you-do#1177333 <![CDATA[What would you do? : ok I am going to be straight to...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177296&title=what-would-you-do#1177296 Author: Chickaboo
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 2:47pm

ok I am going to be straight to the point!

Any male who is texting another female asking to meet up for 'you know what' IS a dirty rotten person (trying to be poilte here) if he is already in a relationship with someone else

He has 'EVERY' intention on meeting up with her or else why (and what reason) would he do it!

Honey you are better off without him and I would NOT put up with that at all!

Infact I am surprised you are 'thinking' and beleiving that he would never do it! SO WHAT! he had enough balls to text the girl!

Might I be harsh there but its just my opinion!]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 14:47:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177296&title=what-would-you-do#1177296 <![CDATA[What would you do? : I&#039;ve been there and TBH he...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177281&title=what-would-you-do#1177281 Author: HoneybunsMa
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 2:34pm

I've been there and TBH he did it because he was unhappy in our relationship. It took us breaking up for a couple of months and me becoming independent and throwing the fact in his face that he could and would lose me to stop him acting a fool!

Once he realised he really couldnt live without me because I'm so great we worked on things and I told him exactly what it was that bugged me about it. Now the stupid girl texts him and I couldn't care less because she has no idea she's such a twit. She was so bloody needy and he didn't see it and he was trying to run away from me because I was needy dhead! lol I laugh about it now but it wasn't easy at the time. I guess I have also come to the conclusion of I'm too tired to fight now and if he wants to be the one to leave then so be it leave!

GBH hun work on it if you want if you don't then there's no shame in that. Being happy and having self worth is worth so much more then being treated like a doorstep and chances are you will be even ifyou don't realise it]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 14:34:47 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177281&title=what-would-you-do#1177281 <![CDATA[What would you do? : RachandJack wrote:I would be...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177206&title=what-would-you-do#1177206 Author: freckle
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 1:18pm

Originally posted by RachandJack RachandJack wrote:

I would be gone, I couldn't care less what his intentions were. I am worth so much more than that and will not be treated like crap. No excuses I would rather be single than with a guy who is texting other girls.



I absolutely agree!!]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 13:18:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177206&title=what-would-you-do#1177206 <![CDATA[What would you do? : I would be gone, I couldn&#039;t...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177186&title=what-would-you-do#1177186 Author: Rachael21
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 1:03pm

I would be gone, I couldn't care less what his intentions were. I am worth so much more than that and will not be treated like crap. No excuses I would rather be single than with a guy who is texting other girls.]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 13:03:11 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177186&title=what-would-you-do#1177186 <![CDATA[What would you do? : Make it very clear that it is...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177049&title=what-would-you-do#1177049 Author: kiwi2
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 10:25am

Make it very clear that it is not acceptable and if it happens again then he has to go.

My DH had a girl he used to like (not even an ex or anything other than a bit of a crush) link up on FB with him. I said that is fine but if you meet in person that would be a problem. Anyway it turns out he was out with work and one work colleague got a phone call from her and put two and two together with the mutual friends on FB etc and he spoke to her on the phone. He came home and confessed straight away and that was just a friendly chat on his work colleagues phone in front of people. lol.

I think set the boundaries and if he crosses them again then he has deliberately done so and there is no mistake. ]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 10:25:27 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177049&title=what-would-you-do#1177049 <![CDATA[What would you do? : Wow, hugs to you. I&#039;d love...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177002&title=what-would-you-do#1177002 Author: clover
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 9:49am

Wow, hugs to you.

I'd love to say he'd be out on his ass but I really don't know what I'd do. Given nothing has happened yet I suspect that I would have some serious words but would let him stay. I'd be keeping a damn good eye on him afterwards though and any evidence he'd be gone. However, if it had already happened before (as you said it has) I think I'd have to consider at least talking about a separation with him as it would be clear he is unhappy in our relationship.]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 09:49:02 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1177002&title=what-would-you-do#1177002 <![CDATA[What would you do? : Been there, done that with my...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176996&title=what-would-you-do#1176996 Author: Babykatnz
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 9:43am

Been there, done that with my ex hsband... only ti was emails, and they were the R18 kind too... I gave him the benefit of the doubt (more fool me) but the third time i caught him out, I was done. What made it worse was that we'd been married for all of 5 months, and had a 7 month old son together, and he passed me off (we had a joint email account that had both our names as the username) as his sister staying with him, and that OUR son, was his nephew... I think that in itself was the final straw... if he had loved me as much as he had said in those wedding vows, he wouldnt have denied who we were to him so quickly.

These days its once bitten, twice shy and I wouldnt put up with anything of that nature. I'm a much less forgiving person after what my ex did, and I know I dont HAVE to put up with it. Unfortunatly once the trust is gone, so is the majority of your relationship.

If you kick him out over this, do you want your relationship to be re-built, or would that be the end of it for good? You would need to make that quite clear, as a lot of the guys I know would take being kicked out as a licence to go do what/whoever they want...

Good luck, its a hard position to find yourself in ]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 09:43:14 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176996&title=what-would-you-do#1176996 <![CDATA[What would you do? : _SMS_ wrote:If that were my...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176980&title=what-would-you-do#1176980 Author: MyLilSquishy
Subject: 36227
Posted: 14 October 2010 at 9:31am

Originally posted by _SMS_ _SMS_ wrote:

If that were my partner he would be out on his arse.

I know that sounds harsh, but to me thats cheating. Or he is at least thinking of cheating. So that would mean relationship over.





same here. to me emotional cheating is the same as normal cheating.


i agree with the couples counselling idea... if he doesnt respect you enough to stop texting or talk about it... then personally i dont see what your relationship is built on? (no offense but if there isnt mutual trust and respect....?)


and if you really trust someone then there should be no thoughts otherwise. and the man who is worth you trust, respect and time wouldnt be texting other girls to meet up (whether he meets them or not)



jmo.


Hope it gets sorted though huge hugs!]]> Thu, 14 Oct 2010 09:31:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176980&title=what-would-you-do#1176980 <![CDATA[What would you do? : hugs its a hard one, if this...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176828&title=what-would-you-do#1176828 Author: MrsMc
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 10:12pm

hugs

its a hard one, if this is a recurring thing then something really needs to change.

Can you get some counselling or something, if it happened again I'd seriously consider kicking him out for good.

hope you can sort it out]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 22:12:40 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176828&title=what-would-you-do#1176828 <![CDATA[What would you do? : Had this issue with dp recently....]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176806&title=what-would-you-do#1176806 Author: High9
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 9:38pm

Had this issue with dp recently. I said if your respected me, you wouldn't do it, regardless of it you were going to meet them or not. His reply was he does respect me and some other bullsh*t. Long story short, he still has contact with them. I trust DP, just not the person he is contacting.

I guess you just have to have a conversation with him, maybe write a letter if it's easier and really outline how it makes you feel, your fears/worries etc.

For me it was telling DP that it really crushed me/hurt me knowing he was texting other girls and asking if they wanted to meet up etc. Even though he never met up with them, I was upset that he had thought it Ok... Hope that makes sense! I told him, I would rather know about it than for him to do it behind my back. ]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 21:38:26 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176806&title=what-would-you-do#1176806 <![CDATA[What would you do? : I wouldn&#039;t be able to trust...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176776&title=what-would-you-do#1176776 Author: kellie
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 9:08pm

I wouldn't be able to trust him if he is doing stuff like that. Seems really suss to me.

Edited by kellie]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 21:08:39 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176776&title=what-would-you-do#1176776 <![CDATA[What would you do? : hmmm my brother has just gone...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176774&title=what-would-you-do#1176774 Author: mrsturtle
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 9:08pm

hmmm my brother has just gone thru this problem except it was his partner doing the dirty on him, once he got wind of the texts he questioned her and she assured him it was nothing and he took her word till he caught them, turns out they have been at it for 6 weeks! needless to day he left now there is a custody battle.
If it were me and as i have said to him that would be it i could never trust dh again if he did anything like that

All the very best and lots of hugs, Be strong and follow your instincts do what is best for you and i assume you have kiddie so them too!]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 21:08:07 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176774&title=what-would-you-do#1176774 <![CDATA[What would you do? : If that were my partner he would...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176764&title=what-would-you-do#1176764 Author: _SMS_
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:55pm

If that were my partner he would be out on his arse.

I know that sounds harsh, but to me thats cheating. Or he is at least thinking of cheating. So that would mean relationship over.

]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:55:41 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176764&title=what-would-you-do#1176764 <![CDATA[What would you do? : F that S... Any honest guy wouldn&#039;t...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176745&title=what-would-you-do#1176745 Author: pepsi
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:35pm

F that S... Any honest guy wouldn't be doing that kind of shady stuff. If he has done this kind of thing before and it upset you, and he's still doing it, he'll keep doing it. If by some chance he hasn't done anything behind your back yet, he probably will given the first opportunity. So long as you keep taking him back, he'll keep pushing the boundaries as to what he can get away with..

I have been with jerks like that before...they all follow the same M.O..

Trust you instincts.

When you're with a guy you know you can totally and completely trust, there will be no niggly thoughts in your head..

]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:35:25 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176745&title=what-would-you-do#1176745 <![CDATA[What would you do? : If he has no intention of following...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176727&title=what-would-you-do#1176727 Author: MrsMojo
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:20pm

If he has no intention of following through then why is he doing it?  If you can't trust him and don't feel respected by him then what is your relationship built on?

I would suggest that he's allowed back on the condition that you and he go to couples counselling together to talk through these issues and the other issues you have (just guessing here, I can't imagine he'd be texting an ex and suggesting a meeting if everything is rosy).  If you then decide to go your seperate ways at least you gave it a good shot and if nothing else it'll give you an environment where you can honestly express how you feel with a mediator available to make sure it doesn't turn into a row.

 

]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:20:54 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176727&title=what-would-you-do#1176727 <![CDATA[What would you do? : I wouldnt be with him, even if...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176703&title=what-would-you-do#1176703 Author: Nothing
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 8:08pm

I wouldnt be with him, even if they are 'just friends' obviously something is going on at a deeper level, and it could lead to bad times.]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:08:00 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176703&title=what-would-you-do#1176703 <![CDATA[What would you do? : thanks kelly. BTW this is a second...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176694&title=what-would-you-do#1176694 Author: Charlie09
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:59pm

thanks kelly. BTW this is a second login for me so im actually a regular OB user]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:59:10 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176694&title=what-would-you-do#1176694 <![CDATA[What would you do? : I&#039;m not very forgiving, and...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176691&title=what-would-you-do#1176691 Author: freckle
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:58pm

I'm not very forgiving, and if I caught DF doing anything like that, esp if he'd done it before, I would be leaving him... I don't wanna live always worrying what he's doing and I think if I caught him making such plans I would have trouble trusting again... some people can forgive and move on though and good on them...

Also, if he has the balls to make the plans surely he has to balls to meet her?

Hugs!! it's an awful situation to be in!!]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:58:10 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176691&title=what-would-you-do#1176691 <![CDATA[What would you do? : I&#039;m sorry, I don&#039;t have...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176683&title=what-would-you-do#1176683 Author: TheKelly
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:55pm

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to offer,,,,just wanted to send hugs your way .
]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:55:45 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176683&title=what-would-you-do#1176683 <![CDATA[What would you do? : DP has been texting a old girlfriend...]]> https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176673&title=what-would-you-do#1176673 Author: Charlie09
Subject: 36227
Posted: 13 October 2010 at 7:48pm

DP has been texting a old girlfriend asking her if she wants to meet up and will you can guess the rest

this isnt the first time he has done something like this. he told me it was only texts they havent seen each other in ages and that they arent actually going to meet up. to be honest i believe him as he doesnt really have the balls to do it (sorry im angry and cant think of a nicer way to put it) i have kicked him out for tonight but would should i do?

i really do love him but dont feel that he respects me because if he did he would not do things like this ]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:48:43 +0000 https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36227&PID=1176673&title=what-would-you-do#1176673